Lies in Our Brains

With my broken ankle situation, Allie called me on Sunday. We chatted for about an hour. It's always nice to hear from Allie; her soothing voice never fails to comfort me. Allie and I went to uni at BC together, both English majors. Allie laughed hard and gave me a thumbs-up every time I talked back to the racist people in our class.

Allie was also the person who invited me over to her parents’ place for most Friday dinners, Passover, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She was the one who drove me to the airport and picked me up after I first failed my adventure in Toronto. Allie never walked away from me, gave three years in total and waited for me to accept her, despite hearing all the shit-talking from others. She stayed, texted me, called me, and, most importantly, loved me.

On the phone, Allie mentioned she sometimes felt she had accomplished nothing so far, which is typical for a lot of us after 30 and approaching our 40s. I was just glad she trusted me enough to share this. We hung up after an hour, just as she told me she and her partner were going for a walk together.

Some people around me tend to underestimate themselves, and consequently, they underestimate others. Projection.

I often hear the most hard-working person talk about their unprofessional moments; the most creative poet tell me how stuck they are, unable to write; the most loving person I know fear they're not a good enough lover or friend.

Many of us are taught to judge and compare ourselves to others before we are encouraged to take action. The fact is, we are doing much better than our brains give us credit for, or projection, or self-hate. If we truly knew our worth, these things wouldn't stop us from giving ourselves more credit.

An hour later, I texted:

Me: “Allie, how you ended up who you are today is the victory you should celebrate all the time.”

Allie: “I really like that.”

all copyright reserve ©Cordelia Shan

#1000wordsofsummer