What We Forgot to Say: Short Essay

What was happening to people most of the time was that every tie when we forgot to say something, especially that happened in an argument, it produced a bad, or lets say, very regret feeling. Which in turn produced several more bad feelings like shame or anger. So that people’s life together or our collective thoughts together crowded with bad feelings — fear, anger, and doubt. So crowded that almost nothing else beautiful could grow in that dark field. We keep on thinking about the thing or the sentence we suppose to say. We ruminate on those unsaid words on the way home, on the bus, on the train, complain to people by texting, complain to our partners, when we wat, when we take showers, when we sleep, to the next day, to the future. To think too much to a point that we start shaming ourselves. Such thoughts lead to self-recrimination, and soon, deeper questions about life's purpose and past traumas arise.

However, a fact often forgotten is that there was a time when we didn't know shame, a time in early youth. Shame isn't innate; it's learned, a mechanism for control and asserting power. We inherit it from our parents, peers, societal norms, and even religious doctrines. We're trained to feel shame for our actions, sometimes for merely being ourselves, as evident in microaggressions tied to race.

Thus, we carry not only our shame but also the shame bestowed upon us by others. Yet, oddly enough, there's comfort in this familiarity, the same comfort we find in the predictability of our closest relationships. But this comfort, fueled by shame, prevents us from voicing our true feelings.

Will we ever able to break the cycle?

Is it possible to break free from this relentless cycle?

We can start with expressing gratitude to our shame for the role it played and then firmly telling it to step back. Only once shame retreats can we truly confront our fears. Ask ourselves: what stands to be lost if we speak our minds? And, more importantly, is what we might lose truly worth the added anguish?

If the answer leans toward 'no real loss,' then action must follow.

Attempt it, just once. The ensuing relief may be profound.

all copyright reserve ©Cordelia Shan